passing Age

I’ve done a little thinking lately and I think the way things have gone the past few months have been so surreal. To an extent, I just can’t believe how fast things have moved along lately. Memories of my time in university or even high school are still as fresh as the ones I have of entering the office every day for the past five months.

For one reason or another, I’ve just had this realisation that there really is no turning back at this point. When you’re still a student, even if you drop out or suffer a fatal illness, you know if you just get back to school, you’ll be able to continue life as you know it should be. Sometimes I feel the reason some students pursue postgraduate studies immediately after completing their degree is because they just don’t feel ready for that turning point just yet. Its as if they want to stay in that place where they know how things should happen.

It can be scary because, the working world is the arena of each person’s livelihood. Money is earned and lost, and the same happens to your self-worth at times. It doesn’t treat every person equally and stories of unfair circumstances tend to make people more and more pessimistic, which eventually affects the environment or the culture of the working world.

Nonetheless, I really thank God for what I have. I’m thankful that I’ve got a job, a place to stay, a car and my family. I won’t say I deserve all or any of those things, but I thank God regardless for his favour on me and my family. My life isn’t all perfect though, but there’s a lot to be thankful for.

Still, it doesn’t blot out the fact that there’s a lot of uncertainty about so many things that are ahead of me. Even though I have a job, changes that happen every so often make me question the future of my career and how it’ll affect my life in the medium to long term. In some ways, I don’t feel ready to be where I am right now, but I just do what I do, because I’m already there.

I think what I’m trying to say here is that playtime for me is over. The ‘go-to-school’ phase of my life has passed and I’m in the ‘real world’ phase now. I’d be lying if I said I never thought about if I can really make it in the real world. For what its worth, I’ve met so many people that are probably more intelligent than me, better than me, so it goes without saying that I may doubt myself sometimes.

I believe its natural to have a fear of the unknown future, where there’re so many possibilities and its all on you to make it happen. That’s when I remind myself not to worry and take life one day at a time. There’re many things beyond my control and that reminds me God is who I need to rely on. I’m trusting God with my future, and it comforts me to know that He’s got me in the palm of his hands. He has never failed me or my family and that gives me great confidence.

The reason I’m writing all this is to remind myself, despite whatever fears I may have, God knows, and He’s got my back all the time.

God, help me to keep the faith, and to never let go.