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Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Lashing Out

Something rather strange happened just a couple of days ago. I was attending my Professional Communications Skills (PCS) class where I would sit and listen to some presentations. I had already done mine the day before. Besides the presentation, another program goes on at the same time, called 'Toastmasters'. Basically, it is a group of people that do a number of items between intervals to keep the presentation session lively and not so draggy.

One of the items done was a discussion on any topic, an open discussion where we could talk about any issue. The issue was cheating. I shared about an incident that happened not too long ago and related and as I continued, I somehow got to the point where I was talking about a lecturer I wasn't particularly fond of.

I mentioned him because I said to some extent cheating was justified (which is a lie, but because of some rush of blood I said it) because what he taught us didn't really come out in the final exam, and all the questions just came from some test bank, so if you had memorised it, you'd have gotten an 'A' regardless if you ever went to class or not.

Now, I hadn't though about this in a long while. I had never even talked about it, but somehow, when I mentioned his name, I just snapped! I didn't realise it, but it was as if I had been waiting for this moment to just say absolutely everything I hated about him. It was really crazy too, to do that, especially in front of a lecturer in a PCS class. All of a sudden it was a hot topic, and some of my course mates got into it as well. It suddently all turned to sentiments against him. I could even feel that my emotions were quickly taking over in the way I made my comments about him.

In the lift after class, I said to my friends "I didn't expect that. I wasn't even thinking about it, but I just snapped. And it felt good" It did feel good, it felt really good to just say all that.

In the next class where I was a little more calm, I started thinking. I told my course mate, "You know, I think I may have said too much" He did say I had spoken a lot, from his viewpoint though, I hadn't reached that limit yet that would have meant I went overboard. That is all his opinion though. Thinking deeper, I eventually felt and asked why had I done that, it wasn't very wise.

Right now, I still don't like that lecturer. It annoys me even sometimes, to think about him. However, he is still a person of authority that is higher than me. Because of that, I still need to try to respect him, even if I don't feel like it. At least to anyone from the IS/IT course, I just want to apologise for my behaviour. It was out of line, irrational and definitely more emotional than well thought out. I also owe my PCS lecturer an apology for an uncontrolled outburst which I will do very soon.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The Goodbyes

Within the space of two months, three friends have left my reach for about a year or more. Only last month, a good friend of mine, Khye Shin went off to Adelaide, Australia. He was accompanied by a former classmate of mine, Ian Yun.

Then, very recently, Mei Le and Richard (two friends from university and church in Perak) left for Australia to undertake the student abroad program for a period of 6 months. Six months may seem a short time, but for some of us, due to differing internship schedules may not see them for a year or even more.

All this also reminds me of when another friend of mine, Christopher Chew left for Australia to further his studies as well (he is now back working in KL). I remember seeing him off at KLIA with several friends as well. He said his goodbyes, hugged and thanked a few people and made his way down the escalator before heading through a wide open space towards the passport counter. All of us never took an eye off him until the moment he disappeared under the roofing that covered the passport counter. Yap was among one of those tearing as we headed toward the airport exit, all of us felt a bit sad we wouldn't be hanging out with a good friend for quite a while.

One nervous thing that I sometimes feel, and I'm sure some of my own friends feel as well, is the change in dynamics of the relationship between yourself and the friend/s that you meet after being apart for a while. For me, its been evident that things are somewhat very different between me and my friends that have been studying overseas when we meet up. As an example, I used to be pretty tight with Wei Yang and Alex, but somehow it just feels really different now when I see them. We're not enemies or anything like that mind you. However the friendship certainly feels different, slightly distant even if we're sitting just opposite each other at the same coffee table.

In July, I myself will be leaving UTP for a period of six to eight months to undergo my internship program. It is likely that I'll be in KL during that time. For some people back in KL it'll be like I'm coming back actually. At the same time, I'll be temporarily leaving some faces that I've been so accustomed and glad to see for the past few years. Again, like I explained previously, because of internship timing, I won't see some people for 6 months, a year, or even more perhaps, I'm not sure.

I wonder how different things will be for me, and for a lot of my friends during the 2009/2010 period. I'm wondering if things may change, people's characters, people's relationships. Life can really change so quickly.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Things of the week

Number one:

BLINK 182 is back?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I saw them together for the first time on the 51st Grammy Awards, announcing the best rock album of the year. It's a little bad, but I kind of like Mark Hoppus making a slightly unnoticed sarcastic comment about the Jonas Brothers, hahaha! It really is good to see them back, especially since Blink 182 didn't really part on good terms. Its about time anyway, both +44 and Angels & Airwaves have been playing Blink 182 songs at their concerts.

Number two:

Goku Sayonara, recently introduced to me,is one of the most brainless shows I have ever seen! I can't believe how corny it is compared to South Park. In fact the show is extremely difficult to understand but funny if you can get it. I've only enjoyed one episode, but wow, really, discovery of the week.

Number three:

For the first time ever, in a VERY VERY long time, I've finally had a taste of cricket here in Malaysia. I was heading over to the sports complex for a jog, when I saw three guys doing nets (cricket batting practice) at V1. I joined them, and although it was just nets, I thoroughly enjoyed holding a cricket bat again, having a go at some drives and some cheeky reverse sweep shots. I discovered how bad my bowling is now that I've been away from cricket ever since I returned from Vietnam.