I guess it's a little strange when your day can start all right, even as mundane as it may be. The streak continues for most of the day and then you feel a little niggling frustration in your head. You shrug it off a while but it doesn't quite go away when you begin doing the things that you need to do, let it be chores or whatever, but things don't really turn out. You keep going, knowing there's not much point of sitting around being frustrated. You keep on doing your thing, but still towards the end of the day, you don't achieve much. In fact, you may have achieved so much less than what you wanted, or even below that satisfactory level where you can still say, "It's okay laa... not too bad for today." That just blows you know, it feels like you just really got wasted.
That was my day today. I don't know, it was a little strange to be like that. It just put me in a pretty down mood for the rest of the evening. It wasn't an 'emokid' feeling, just maybe frustrated and a little tired at the day's events.
Tonight, my church had this prayer meeting which they do every Tuesday at about 7.30 and I was contemplating about staying around for long. That was partly because there was something I wanted to get done before my group assignment meeting at 9.30; but mainly due to the fact I wasn't quite 'right' in my mind, I just felt like going back to my room.
I decided against it though, citing to myself the 'have-to-go' kind of reason that people sometimes tell themselves to block out whatever logic is in their mind that tells them to do something else. Still, I decided I'd leave early anyway, just to prepare something before my meeting although I knew it may not have been so crucial to do so. Oh, and I hadn't had dinner which may have added to my 'feelings' but I don't think that really matters because when you're in a good mood, not having dinner doesn't exactly change your outlook on today.
So I went, and of course I had this, 'let's just get done with it' kind of feeling. So we started it off with a couple of songs, and yeah, I was just there, but not really 'there', catch what I mean? As it progressed though, the bad feeling somehow slowly moved away as we were praying. I think it's good when you refocus on something else and not dwell on the day and that happened to me. As we prayed, for myself I tried to pray sincerely because I always have this thing in my mind whereby I tell myself, "If you're not genuine praying, you better not bother." That helped me to really get into what was happening. When I did, it was better because I wasn't complaining at that point, but praying for others.
I don't know, but it really helped me to get past that frustration, tiredness, annoyed, stressed emotions. I'm just glad I could at least end today on a higher note than my lowest. In the end, I ended on a much happier note, it's a good thing I decided to go for that prayer meeting after all. For me it's one of those things when you're happy because you still pursued something good even though before that you didn't get what you wanted or had low expectations of what was to come. One of those things you don't want to happen, but appreciate the experience anyhow. =)