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Tuesday, October 30, 2007

When I'm Wrong

When I'm convicted I'm wrong..... I'm never at peace until I deal with it, whatever way it is that I do. Scary thing that.. especially when I'm very much accountable for my action. In the space of less than a week, I've done too much wrong, having not dealt fully with some of these wrongs does take a toll on me. As the saying goes, there are consequences to sin. I'm not excluded from that rule.

Hopefully, grace will made itself known, but there's always a price to pay. Sin doesn't go unpunished, whoever it is.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

What made me proud

Recently, I've been thinking a little bit about a few groups of people that I'm affiliated to. These three groups I'm about to mention all involve young people under the age of 20 and those who are slightly older as well.

I was born into a Christian family and I firmly accepted Christianity as my faith during my early teenage years. The reason I did was because I began to see myself grow as a person, the more I committed myself to God and the church. It birthed new meaning for me in life, a particular cause and purpose greater than my own. Since then, I've actively involved myself in church because I've wanted to play a part in doing great things for God, so that I can bless many people.

I started getting involved more in church at the age of about 14, just helping out with things here and there and eventually going on to sing and play drums for youth service on Saturdays. To a certain extent, I also took up leadership roles, leading bible discussions sometimes and things like that.

In everything I've done in the past two churches I've been in [SIB(KL) & Hope Church Ipoh], I've committed myself to doing things there with the intention to just please God, serve the church and hopefully encourage others around with me to do the same with enthusiasm because I know the benefits it can bring to each individual.

Just last Saturday, I went for SIB(KL)'s youth section (Narrowstreet: NSt) dedication service. They just wanted to dedicate the new place they got that day. I walked in a little early that day, and the place was just really good. The lights, the stage, seems church really put in a lot into giving NSt a really nice place. What I was more impressed with though was the people I saw there. NSt's got a whole lot of new people, and a whole lot of people have started to serve in a whole lot of new things, video, lights, music, ushering, hospitality and so forth. What I saw, was a group of young people there who were so willing to just do what they could for God and that was very encouraging. I'm just proud that I was able to have been a part of growing NSt to what it is now. It's also very good to see how younger people like Sharon, Khye Shin and Tze Quan have come along, and you're really spurred by these younger guns that weren't as involved as you were before this, being an essential part of the process now.

Then just today, I was talking to a very good friend of mine, Kenaina back in Miri. We're childhood friends, and as a kid, I used to go to the same church as her. I'd most probably still be there if I'd never moved. Just a few years ago, I went as part of a team to support their church to host this conference and concert event there. On the concert night, we saw about 1000 people there under one building. Just this year they hosted their own conference on their own and they got 3000 people under one stadium. To me, that's just amazing because that event itself was anchored by really young people. They have a lot of young talent over there, and they only needed an outlet to really just do something for God with their talent and it really paid off.

Kenaina performing during the concert

Then, I'm brought back to the church I'm currently in. That's Hope Ipoh. It's a small church, there's about just over 30 of us right now. There weren't much of us, in terms of students when we first started, but just after about six months, we just doubled when God brought more people in. What was really great was that all of these guys were just enthusiastic to serve in whatever areas they could. Going towards the end of the year, I can really see that some of these guys are starting to grow from strength to strength and for myself I can really sense that this church's moving somewhere because of a group of young people that really want to move somewhere.

All this is really simply about a collection of young people that have come together under the same purpose to very simply commit to a cause, which is to serve God in their local church. I really get spurred on when I see young people do such things, just for an example, the person handling the lights in NSt during the music session is 13 years old. There's a lot of potential already there, how much more can such people do when they get to my age and older? It's exciting because I really see a generation of really young people that can do great great things for God. I'm just hoping to be a part of guiding such people there, it really truly is a privilege.

Friday, October 12, 2007

A mixed 10th of October...

Well, a few unexpected things have been happening the past two days. On the tenth, the day I came back down to KL, I was rushing to complete a business statistics assignment I had to pass up on that day itself and I also had to be with my Databse Systems project team, which meant I had to be at one of the labs at 8 o'clock, which isn't exactly my favourite time.

It was definitely a hectic morning, but thankfully it was all done so I could expect a less stressed journey home. Bumped into Jialin at about 12 something, she was pretty quick to wish me happy birthday. It was surprising, since I didn't think she'd remember as we hadn't really spoken to each other in ages. It was nice nonetheless, so talked to her for quite a while, promised to go out with me yesterday, but she didn't....... hmmmmmm.

Anyhow, got on the road with Arun & co. I slept for half the journey and spent the other half talking with Arun about a lot of serious spiritual psychological stuff, lol. It was a good discussion though, I haven't had something like that in a while. It's one of the reasons I actually want to come back to KL. Anyhow, arrived at about 5 o'clock.

Met mum at the church office, exchanged the usual hugs. Then some of them (including Lindy), couldn't believe how far they now where from the age of 19 (I'm 19 years old now by the way). It was quite amusing, seeing 'older' people wishing to be 19 again. I'm already dreading the day I get to be 20 years old, which officially ends my reign as teenager, lol.

Anyhow, shortly after, mum and I left to see the renovation progress on our new house in SPK Damansara (neighbour to Desa Park City). It was then I had to receive the earful. I didn't do anything wrong but my mum had to releases some stuff out on me, which I wasn't particularly in the mood to receive but I listened patiently anyhow. As I heard each thing one by one, I too became a little frustrated because she was going on about a problem we were having with this person that we knew for quite a while now.

It really makes you feel angry to think that some of your supposedly good friends can do such a lousy job for you and expect you to pay for their mistakes. It's not just one or two bad jobs done, it's plenty of things and its costing my family a lot of money. Even my Dad had to take emergency leave (which he never takes and my dad works in Terengganu by the way, not KL) to settle some outstanding issues. My mum is getting really worked up about it, and it's a little scary because I think she can explode anytime. It's also the first time she's ever cursed about someone before. The language she used was definitely not politically correct or diplomatic. After her long explanation of several things that had happenned, you can't help but feel very angry.

The thing is, we have to go through this almost everyday until this person completes the job for us. I can already predict more 'stuff' is going to happen because everything that happenned before was on a day to day basis. How frustrating can it be to have problem after problem everyday for more than a month. Sheesh.

At least we didin't have to end my birthday on that note. We did go out for dinner, at Shogun in One Utama for this Japanese buffet. Javier (back in UTP), messaged me around the same time for dinner, I couldn't help but tell him where I was, wahahhahaha. Apparently Witton got a little agitated, awwww. There was quite a big variety of food but I think that compromised the quality of it. It wasn't bad by any means, just not so great either, heh. The night didn't exactly end that well either because we talked about more 'serious' stuff and all that. I guess the day didn't end too badly though.

The next day was better, but I won't write about it, since this one's pretty long... till the next time..

Thursday, October 11, 2007

So.. Whatever...

You know... you think you get to come back and get away from certain things.. but you come back to face a whole load of something else...


Sunday, October 07, 2007

Human Error

Hmmm, something I guess computers would complain a lot about me if they had feelings and could talk. They don't make mistakes, and if they somehow do, we don't really blame the computer as much as the developer, who once again happens to be... human.

Since I was a young boy, way before my age hit double digits, I always envisioned myself to be perfect. I always thought I was right, hence making me 'perfect' to myself. I guess, that concept of mine wasn't such a strong belief as I grew older, hence slightly more mature. Nonetheless, I still thought that in many situations, my way was the only right way and others were pretty much second best.

Of course, somewhere along the way though; I made mistakes like everyone else. I still thought I was right. I mean, things like this continued for quite a long time, until people started saying things and I realised I wasn't really who I thought I was, and accepted there are quite a number of flaws about myself.

It is hard to accept your weaknesses in certain things or admit you're not spotless in certain areas of your life. Many times, I didn't even know it was there until they were exposed by others. That's when I began to discover myself as an actual 'human', prone to error every now and then, making me realise I didn't really have a right to judge people the way I did.

There's tonnes of stuff I do wrong, but to protect myself, I won't reveal it all here. As much as some people think maybe I'm a 'nice' or 'good' person, there are still several things in my life that haven't been dealt with fully, the human errors that take a more than a little while to correct.

Recently, in the past few weeks, and even just yesterday, I've been seeing certain things that have happenned, which I'm not so happy about. These situations involve my friends or perhaps peers for one case. It gets to the point where I ask the question, "Why do they do this?" I believe these people that I know, should do better, even if pitted in difficult circumstances. Maybe I expected too much out of these people but I still think they were able enough to make better choices. Sometimes, it's real discouraging to see such things, especially sometimes when you look up to such people. Even if you don't, you still feel discouraged.

I believe that in such times, you have to accept the human error, that no matter how good people may be, they still succumb to certain weaknesses at some point. The difficult part is actually taking in the fact that the person committed that particular 'sin' that you never thought that person would do. However, I'm not saying I accept the error, but I consider the fact we're not robots. Not doing the right thing is wrong no matter what reason is given for it.

That's why I think sometimes, certain friendships are fragile, because people may only befriend you for everything good about you, but nothing bad about you. Nowadays, I'm trying to do that, not the best at it, but trying, to accept other people's weaknesses. I just hope that my own friends can do the same, to embrace me for my low points as much as my high points. Just take the example of my last blog entry below. I think it shows some of my own weaknesses. It directly affected certain people who read my blog, and I believe I've been rightly criticised for it too. Nonetheless, some people have been quite graceful in responding to what I said.

Just hopefully, in spite of who people are, for all their wrongs, don't cast them aside because really, who are you to be so judgemental. Don't you have your own faults too?

Friday, October 05, 2007


BOTB (Battle of The Bands), something I think quite a number of wannabe musos (hey, I'm a wannabe muso) relish. It's an oppertunity to get on a stage to perform to what you hope will be a neutral crowd and you should get a crowd response that's equivalent to your performance. I was pretty enthusiastic about the whole thing last year, during my uni's BOTB, Euphonious 07.

There are already rumors about Euphonious 08 around the corner. Quite a fair bit is being done about it already about the committee. It should be a pretty hyped up event. Quite a lot of people turned up for the Euphonious finals and there wasn't a bad response for the preliminary rounds either, which in my opinion, is simply an audition, but the change from that is you get to play in front of a crowd of maybe 100 or so.

I joined Euphonious 07 last year as a participant, playing electric guitar for Seven Sweet Surrender, which isn't my forte by the way, although I'd love to learn how to control one. The band was made up of Richard , Javiar, Augustine , Witton , Seok Yee, Kuo Chun and myself. Yeah, that's seven people. It is a lot, but if you're familiar with a church band setting, or those huge bands that back up pop stars during concerts, it's not that awkward.

Anyhow, I'd gong through the video the organisers had taped of our Euphonious 07 performance and there wasn't very much I could say about it. I mean, we all did what we could within the time we came together but it wasn't quite satisfying. I'm not talking about getting a spot in the finals or whatnot, simply just performing a song well or playing good music, put it that way.

From the begining of the semester, I was pretty hyped up about preparing for next year. Now, it doesn't seem so. I mean, we haven't even been playing together properly as a band since the last Euphonious. Yeah, the guys do play with me in church, but anyone would know it's very very different playing in both settings. I think the problem is what Arsenal faced last season, too many young players, not enough experience and knowledge. We're all knowledgable I guess, but not so seasoned, I mean just having one or two people around like maybe Khye Shin or Timothy Au could add quite a lot.

There's no doubt I would like to perform again, but only if I know the band can do twice as good or more than our last outing. It's just that, if you want to achieve these kind of things, it takes so much time and arrghhhhhhhhh, it get's real annoying. It's so hard, like I said, we haven't played together since the last Euphonious and that just blows.

The other thing is the whole band, we've got a major conflict of the genres we appreciate. All of us like different stuff. It's not like the case between me and Khye Shin alongside some of the other guys who all have the same kind of interest in music. Like even in our last outing, looking back, I felt like I pushed the band a little much in playing the way I'd like them too. It was pretty clear during our practices I felt. I'm not the band leader, and it feels wrong to be the more 'pushing' figurehead. I think the band should be more able to collectively agree on what and how to play music. One major issue here is our band, doesn't have a specific genre that we are committed to playing. The safest would be to say, alternative, but everything's alternative if you think about it.

I've got nothing against Seven Sweet Surrender, those guys are real buddies. It's just that I wished I could be playing alongside people like Timothy Au and Khye Shin. They're not the greatest, but technically and "feel-wise", I think I can click with them. I mean, I think I can suggest one song without really having to think if the others will agree and we can just do it you know. We could all easily agree on pop-punk, or switch suddenly to emo or alternative.

I think, I can just summarise it as I think I feel stressed when working with Seven Sweet Surrender and I'm not blaming it on them or anything like that. I just think that, I really wouldn't want to go through it again and come out with a mediocre performance. That's because I felt I put everything I had into it, and the performance result just wasn't that satisfying.

Which brings me to the point where I'm contemplating, stepping out from Seven Sweet Surrender at the least for the coming Euphonious.